Similar to my husband, I see the lessons God is teaching me through our children. In the early morning hours, I realized something about myself that I thought could never be. As I gazed upon my crying child, ready to scream myself, the Lord revealed such a truth about my character...I am selfish.
It was the most startling and humbling touch of the Father's hand. As He opened the window to my heart (so that I could see the reality of who I really can be), my eyes filled with tears and my gut wrenched. I saw my "need" for sleep as a priority over Levi's need to poop. I saw my "need" for a shower more important than Roman's need for play time. I saw my "need" for time around the fire pit more important than Levi's need for affection and care. How could I be the mother of such selfishness? When did I get wrapped into this blanket of personal need?
You see, Roman is sort of on this kick of "mine." You've heard of that before. The toddler that thinks everything...everything...is his. Every toy, piece of food, critter on the ground, item in the store, etc. We are now known as "my mommy" and "my daddy" around the house. His is "my Roman." Now that Levi has settled into our home a bit, Roman is beginning to see that maybe not everything is his and his alone. Even mommy and daddy are someone else's...Levi's. I've seen Roman's outbursts or bad moments come out of a desire for my sole attention...he selfishly wants all of me...all of Jason.
Roman selfishly desires sole attention from his mother. I selfishly desire sole attention and time with my family, friends, a shower. So what makes me any different than my 2 year old son? Not much. What makes us both similar to God Almighty? Our selfishness.
Follow me if you can...What is so great to know is that I have a Father who is selfish too (He wants all of me giving attention to Him). The only catch, He is selfish for all of the right things, in the right time, and with the right motives...unlike Roman and I. We feast our eyes on ourselves and what we want-forgetting all the rest. (Crazy, we were created in God's image (selfish) but we are tainted by sin (we place our "needs" over everyone else) )
God the Father is selfish too but perfectly selfish and perfectly selfless at the same time. He always has the right perspective, the right focus. Praise Jesus!! He has changed my focus to see the needs of my children in a fresh light. So...forget the shower! I'm going to spend time with "my Daddy" and hope that His desires become my own.
Comments
I totally relate but in a non parent sorta way, but in a consumerist point of view. Sometimes I get caught up just thinking of all these things I need yet there are so many people out there who don't have anything and it hits me all of the sudden (this is a recurring effect) where i just realize this.
Good to see you got a blog goin! :)