slow all the things

So, the other day I was thinking of things to do as a mom that would make me "cool" but also "good." AND...the craziest thing happened...I thought of Mary Poppins and Maria...2 amazing Julie Andrews roles! So then I thought, she must know it all (Julie Andrews that is)!! Here are the top 10 hings that make her so great as a mom/caregiver: 1. sings songs all the time. for work, play, clean up, eating, taking medicine, romance. 2. highly organized. she carries carpet bags full of every needed item, manages lots of kids. 3. creative/inventive. makes clothes out of curtains, games out of work, songs about singing notes. 4. witty. makes humor out of the darndest things: leading to laughing fits on the ceiling...that "wooden leg named smith", what a kill! 5. brave. flies through the air with umbrellas, attempts being a nun, handles mean men 6. simple. compared to the other women, she maintains her simplicity in style, trend, and manner. 7. well planned. she neve...

So...the other day it struck me as I was sitting in the nursery at 1:30 in the morning, caring for Levi, that sometimes my prayers appear to be much like Aladdin-just rub the lamp and hope something happens. It is almost as if I pray to a genie in a bottle rather than the God of the Universe. For example: "Please, Lord, allow Levi to sleep for 5 hours after this feeding." "Please, God, keep Roman in bed until 7:00." "Lord, could you make a way for me to shower at least 3 times this week instead of 2?" Do you get what I am saying? The Lord is really challenging me on my prayer life and the one thing is to look at what is really worth praying about and what is really not worth thinking about. "Lord God, please work in my heart, that I may walk in your Spirit today. That I may see with your eyes and take action in the way you desire. Give me the patience to work with my children if they don't have enough sleep. May I worship you in all things a...

So...Levi went in for surgery this morning to drain an infection (abscess). This is a fairly minor surgery but in light of the fact that he is just 42 days old and "such a little guy" the concern is still heavy on one's heart. When I found out yesterday that he would have to have surgery, my heart sunk and I struggled to see what was fair in the situation. How could one so small have to endure such suffering? Upon asking the Lord this question, immediately, He spoke to my heart. He reminded me of those that have had to experience their child in moments of suffering or struggle. My friend Mandy, who delivered little Ellie at 27 or 28 weeks gestation and Paul and Adrienne who delivered their baby at 30 weeks...they have witnessed needles, IV's, and many sleepless nights with uncertainty for the next day. Yet, they are making it. God is providing and has provided for them. Even deeper, the Lord brought me to the feet of the Father. As I was driving it was as if H...

Similar to my husband, I see the lessons God is teaching me through our children.  In the early morning hours, I realized something about myself that I thought could never be.  As I gazed upon my crying child, ready to scream myself, the Lord revealed such a truth about my character...I am selfish. It was the most startling and humbling touch of the Father's hand.  As He opened the window to my heart (so that I could see the reality of who I really can be), my eyes filled with tears and my gut wrenched.  I saw my "need" for sleep as a priority over Levi's need to poop.  I saw my "need" for a shower more important than Roman's need for play time.  I saw my "need" for time around the fire pit more important than Levi's need for affection and care.  How could I be the mother of such selfishness?  When did I get wrapped into this blanket of personal need?   You see, Roman is sort of on this kick of "mine."  You've heard of that be...

For over five years now, I have been sharing much of my time and energy in the company of my closest friend and confidant. I have verbally processed many stories, life experiences, memories, and lessons with he alone and apparently, this is not enough. The whole world needs to have the opportunity to read what I have to say. Therefore, I must follow the lead of my dashing, daring, and wise husband, jump into a land I am completely confused by, and do the unthinkable...become a "blogger" to share with you, my "notes from the inside out".